I've been in search of a life that's short on possessions, but long on free time, purpose, and fulfillment. I seem to have missed the mark just a little. In a town like Boulder, even a meager lifestyle comes at quite a monetary cost. I've attempted to have my cake and eat it too, and I'm not ashamed to admit that its failed, albeit temporarily. I have a job that makes me forget that I'm even at work because I love it. I have free time to do all the running and biking that I want. What I failed to do is find a living arrangement for myself and my significant other that we agree on and are able to afford. Homeward bound it is.
When I first realized that I was going to have to go home, all I heard were warning bells and alarms. I felt that returning to Michigan was failure, running home with my tail between my legs to cower again in the safety of my parents' home.
...Then I realized that I was being a baby and it was time to grow the hell up. I had plenty of opportunities to replenish my funds. I didn't take them because I was having the time of my life. I'm forever grateful for the time I've had, and for the lessons learned. To live in a consequence-free environment is great in theory, but without knowing that our falls will be real, the risks will mean nothing. Leaps without the occassional falls become half-hearted motions, carried out without respect to the gravity of life. We live and die by the decisions that we make, and the world would be a different place if that weren't true. Basically, it would be a life of college.
I'm glad I have the chance to go home, for it means I have a home to go to. I miss my family and friends that made me who I am(not to point the finger to anyone else). I have no idea if I'll stay, return to Colorado, or go somewhere else entirely. I hear talk that there is a world outside of Colorado, afterall.
One step at a time for this bum. I'll be heading home sometime next week.
Oh, but first, a little jog across the Rockies. A summer of regrettably unfocused running will be culminated with some car dwelling in Leadville, and a crew-less, pacer-less attempt of the Leadville Trail 100. With a long run of 104 miles under my belt 1 month ago, I feel fairly good about this endeavor. I'm not fighting a seven week cold, the weather report is looking cool, and my mind feels much clearer. Since this opportunity was basically a stumbled-upon bonus race, I'm just going to trust my gut and follow the signs. I fully expect a struggle, but I'm ready to embrace it. I'm not in optimal shape physically, but hey, is a flabby asthamatic with a cracked kneecap ever? The beauty of life's struggles isn't in the finish, it's when we say "to hell with it" and keep going. The sting of a DNF doesn't come from the failed attempt at greatness, but rather the realization after the fact that we had more to give before quitting. If we can say without a shadow of a doubt that we gave it all before giving up, then there's no failure at all.
|A little Michigan camping/hiking adventure from last Fall. Plenty of fun to be had anywhere.|
|Leadville 50 last year. By my calculations...oh shit, I was only halfway there. Slow down, eat more?|
The beard is slightly longer, so perhaps better mojo this time around.