Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Forgot the Weekly

I haven't had much internet as of late, since I'm currently "between homes." I'm planning on going home to Michigan, and have no idea what's in store after that. Fall is my absolute favorite time of year to run, no matter where I am. The cool weather and turning colors can't be beat. I was hoping to see a winter west of the Mississippi River this year, and I just might. Colorado isn't going anywhere.

I've been in search of a life that's short on possessions, but long on free time, purpose, and fulfillment. I seem to have missed the mark just a little. In a town like Boulder, even a meager lifestyle comes at quite a monetary cost. I've attempted to have my cake and eat it too, and I'm not ashamed to admit that its failed, albeit temporarily. I have a job that makes me forget that I'm even at work because I love it. I have free time to do all the running and biking that I want. What I failed to do is find a living arrangement for myself and my significant other that we agree on and are able to afford. Homeward bound it is.

When I first realized that I was going to have to go home, all I heard were warning bells and alarms. I felt that returning to Michigan was failure, running home with my tail between my legs to cower again in the safety of my parents' home.

...Then I realized that I was being a baby and it was time to grow the hell up. I had plenty of opportunities to replenish my funds. I didn't take them because I was having the time of my life. I'm forever grateful for the time I've had, and for the lessons learned. To live in a consequence-free environment is great in theory, but without knowing that our falls will be real, the risks will mean nothing. Leaps without the occassional falls become half-hearted motions, carried out without respect to the gravity of life. We live and die by the decisions that we make, and the world would be a different place if that weren't true. Basically, it would be a life of college.

I'm glad I have the chance to go home, for it means I have a home to go to. I miss my family and friends that made me who I am(not to point the finger to anyone else). I have no idea if I'll stay, return to Colorado, or go somewhere else entirely. I hear talk that there is a world outside of Colorado, afterall.

One step at a time for this bum. I'll be heading home sometime next week.

Oh, but first, a little jog across the Rockies. A summer of regrettably unfocused running will be culminated with some car dwelling in Leadville, and a crew-less, pacer-less attempt of the Leadville Trail 100. With a long run of 104 miles under my belt 1 month ago, I feel fairly good about this endeavor. I'm not fighting a seven week cold, the weather report is looking cool, and my mind feels much clearer. Since this opportunity was basically a stumbled-upon bonus race, I'm just going to trust my gut and follow the signs. I fully expect a struggle, but I'm ready to embrace it. I'm not in optimal shape physically, but hey, is a flabby asthamatic with a cracked kneecap ever? The beauty of life's struggles isn't in the finish, it's when we say "to hell with it" and keep going. The sting of a DNF doesn't come from the failed attempt at greatness, but rather the realization after the fact that we had more to give before quitting. If we can say without a shadow of a doubt that we gave it all before giving up, then there's no failure at all.

A little Michigan camping/hiking adventure from last Fall. Plenty of fun to be had anywhere.
I survived the Leadville 50 last year. By my calculations...oh shit, I was only halfway there. Slow down, eat more?
The beard is slightly longer, so perhaps better mojo this time around.

1 comment:

  1. Very philosophical post - I think your attitude is spot on though. You're still young and have the luxury of trying new and different ways to live your life with little long term consequences. The cost of (temporary) failures now is low compared to what it could be in 10 years with kids/mortgages/etc.

    Of course, having other important people in your life is a complication (as you hint at in your post) but it is a necessary and worthwhile complication, unless you're happy to live as a hermit.

    Be patient but persistent with your dreams and appreciate the journey. Christ, I'm starting to go all Hallmark here...