Tuesday, January 17, 2012

My only plan as of 2012.

A couple years ago, I was crewing for Jason at the Burning River 100. Watching a 100 before actually doing one was a surreal experience. I had the chance to feel the excitement, the hope, the fear, the pain, and the elation of the ultra's ultra before actually doing it. That was two years ago.

I had my opportunity to experience it firsthand a few months ago, when I attempted the Hallucination 100 over in Pinckney, MI. Though ultimately it was a lingering injury that did me in, I've decided after (too much) reflection that the day was never mine to begin with. My ego was inflated by a successful Summer, and I forgot why I partake in this sport to begin with. It has nothing to do with standings, places or medals.

I've been humbled by training solo. The only races I've done since Hallucination are low key holiday 5-10k distance races. Life has been feeling boring and broken, and it's time to fix it.
You only live once, right?

On the running front(less important, but generally the focus of this blog): Tahoe Rim Trail 100. I signed up New Years Day at 4am. I awoke from a dead sleep(I don't have to explain New Year's Eve festivities, do I?) and realized it was time to start my life again. Waiting around for some bullshit job to come through so I could feel like a productive member of society was killing me. I have dreams. They started with running, but spread and infused themselves into the fabric of my being. Ambition is contagious. Making one bold move will lead to more. That's how I want to live, not sitting idly and waiting for some semblance of a life to come to me. Never mind that I have no idea how I'll get there, how I'm going to cover 100miles at altitude, or how I'll fund all the shenanigans that take place between now and then. Great stories aren't about plans.

As you can see from that last paragraph, running is more than running to me. I don't think I've effectively hidden the fact that I moved to Boulder last Summer primarily to run, and secondly to work. The bold decision to test myself in a new environment led to growth on so many levels. I discovered a passion for working with people with disabilities, which was something I had no idea existed within me. I found out that independence isn't being 100% ready for what lies ahead. Independence is knowing that what lies ahead is never insurmountable. The last few months have consisted of waiting- waiting for a job, waiting for motivation, waiting for inspiration. No more.

My goal for 2012 and beyond: Less mistakes of sloth. More mistakes of ambition.

Samantha and I are moving back to Colorado. Adventure is imminent.

10 comments:

  1. Right on right on! You can't wait for life to come to you, you've got to go to life. You got the right plans. You'll be faced with tough decisions, but moving forward one foot in front of the other.

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    1. Thanks Josh. Its tough, but it sure as hell beats the easy way.

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  2. The dull complacency of apparent security can be strangely alluring... glad the flame is re-lit. The world needs you.

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    1. It is, Jason. I think that's why it's so easy to get stuck in it. I realized that its not the grandiose delusions of running stardom that draws me. Its just experience. Was Jack Kerouac the best mountain climber in the world? No. Was Dharma Bums one of the most life-changing writings I've ever read? Absolutely.

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  3. RIGHT ON!! i gotta say, selfishly it will suck for my coach to not be in west michigan... on the other hand, it gives me a reason to go to colorado... i actually plan to be in denver this coming oct. maybe i'll have to use my frequent flyer miles to come out for the Tahoe Rim to cheer you on!!

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  4. I'll avoid the temptation to pass on sage advice from "someone who's been there" but rather congratulate you on picking up the reins and taking charge again! Personally, I'm on the cusp of a similar life change (eerily similar, actually) so will be looking forward to hearing of your adventures.

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    1. Thanks David. I realize the spotty, overly idealistic logic, but it's better than a comatose life of complacency.

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